BREAKING UP WITH OLD HABITS
You can usually trace it back to one event that changed everything. It could have been the passing of a loved one, a breakup, work frustration, or a deep gut feeling that you weren’t on the right path. There are countless catalysts that inspire people to change. When we look back, most of us reflect on events that seemed catastrophic but were just another dot in the long chain marking the path to where we stand today and the person we’ve become.
I guess the question that we need to ask is, are we happy with where we are and the person we’ve become? Does the life we’re currently living align with what we know, deep down, is the life that we’re meant to be living? Are we consciously picking the dots as we go, or are we letting habits and emotions pick the next dot on our journey? Author Robin Sharma stated it best, The mind is an excellent servant, but a terrible master. The ‘Why’ has to do with the awareness that arises from the last question listed above; are we navigating consciously or are we a victim of our habitual response.
Its easy to just float through life, doing what we ‘should’ be doing, following role models like our parents or communities, ending up where our culture says is the ‘right’ place to be. In the beginning this is easy because we’re on autopilot, following the guidance and values handed down to us. But then... Boom! Something throws us through a loop, up is down, right is left, and we start to question who we are and how we even got to where we are today.
The question is are we going to respond when life throws us that next curveball? The easy way, our minds default setting, is the way that we’ve always gone, normally the safest and most familiar. Life goes on, continuing the cycle towards the next opportunity to make a different choice.
For me, the first time I decided to pick the correct dot for me was a bad breakup. I realized that being on autopilot for most of my life had left me ill prepared for the type of relationship that I wanted. Hell, I barely knew what a relationship looked like outside of my parents and Hollywood’s portrayal. Needless to say, neither of those points of reference suited me and I felt that I needed to do some work. This led me to therapy for the second time continuing my journey of self-discovery. I wanted to know more about who I was, how I got to where I was, and establish a foundation to enable myself to make more conscious decisions on who I was going to become.
Just as we all have different catalysts, we also have differing paths on our journeys towards self-discovery and development. One difference between therapy and coaching is that the former tends to focus mostly on the ‘Why’ whereas the latter tends to focus on the ‘What’ and the ‘How.’ The ‘What’ comes with raising awareness to understand which dot is the one we want to pick next. Coaches can be extremely helpful in guiding reflection and asking questions which can help break ruminative cycles and raise awareness around what we want our next ‘What’ to be. This helps us to uncover dots that we never would have even known were options to begin with.
So, how do we get to that next dot when we realize that we might need to skip or create 1-2 new dots between where we currently are and where we want to be? This is the ‘How’ that coaches partner with clients on every day. It’s a cycle of reflection, questioning, and challenging to broaden our perspective and help identify the different paths to attaining your ‘What.’ Prior to exploring coaching, it’s important that you understand what it is that you’d like to accomplish through the process. This will ensure that you find value in your investment and help in the process of setting goals for the coaching engagement.
Change can be scary, but not nearly as scary as waking up and realizing that you’ve been living an unconscious life. That fear is a sign. Its an opportunity to understand what it is that’s so unsettling and a call to action. Only You can take action or brush it off and continue with the status quo. Changing your current course by only a couple of degrees now can have a significant impact on where you end up even a short way down the road. I hope that this helps you to plot the right course for you and I’m here if you need help navigating along the way.
Here are some sample questions to guide reflection and raise awareness around your ‘What’ and ‘How’:
Self-reflection questions to identify your ‘What’
- What are you passionate about?
- What does your ideal / dream life look like?
- What’s on your bucket list?
- If you had more time to do what you love, what would you do?
- If I were to go back and pick a different dot than the last one I took, which dot would I have chosen? Where would I currently be if I chose differently?
- Does my goal align with my values and will it lead to me living the type of life I want to lead?
- Are my current habits and behaviors in line with the person I want to be?
Self-reflection questions to identify your ‘How’
- How can I gather more information to help understand if my ‘What’ is the right goal?
- What are the different paths that can get me to my goal?
- What’s one step that I can take today to get me closer to my vision?
- What skills will my future self need to be successful?
- Who do I know that’s living a life or working in a job that aligns with my ideal future self? What and how can I learn from them?
- Which habits can I start to establish now that will help me to get towards the person I want to be?
Interested in exploring coaching further? Reach out to me directly at Mike@Vault-coaching.com to schedule a free, introductory chemistry and contracting session. During the session we’ll discuss your goals and get to know each other to see if we’re a good fit to work together.